Please, not the single sutured card.....

I just got off the phone w/my MW, Joni, as it turns out, we have great chemistry. I had asked her about her own births and as it turned out, she had cesareans herself! She had planned a homebirth for her first child, after 4 days of labor, she transferred to the hospital, got pitocin, babys' HR dropped---cesarean section. Next child, planned a HBAC--stalled at 7 cm, another hospital transfer,pitocin, CBAC. I felt bad for her, I could tell there was a sadness in her voice, she said ," I mourn my homebirths".... I could feel her pain.

I did ask her the "Q'uestions for a MW "that are posted on ICAN. Here are some of her answers:

Q. What would you do if I reached 40 or 42 weeks without going into labor?
A. At 41 1/2 weeks, she would request a biophysical profile, and try natural induction methods (herbs, etc..)

Q. What if the baby is breech?
A. As it turns out, she said she doesn't do breech births, she said it has happened(by accident), but rather not. She said she would encourage different positions, chiropractor, etc. to turn baby. If that didn't work, she would send me to an OB in the next town for a version. He supposedly has a very high success rate in versions.

Q. Does she have a way to order an ultrasound and lab work if needed(and if not, what does she recommend)?
A. She can order order ultrasounds from an independant ultrasound center.

Q. What would she do if your blood pressure started to creep up at the end?
A. Monitor it. If pre-e, she wouldn't do the HBAC.(well, that makes sense)

Q. Are there tests she strongly recommends?
A. Initial bloodwork done by either backup OB or other ways (she can get them).

Q. What would she do if I declined a test, say, for GD?
A. She said it's my decision if I want one. If I have mild GD, then a simple diet change.

Q. If anemia is a problem, ask what she would do if hemoglobin seems a bit low as you get close to 40 weeks.
A. Iron filled foods, pills.

Q. Does she come to you or do you come to her for appointments?
A. Comes to me.

Q. Does she recommend you take the baby to a pediatrician right away or does she offer full care for the infant for the first 6 weeks?
A. she does care mostly for just mom. Baby a few times, but I need to have a pedi lined up for him(no prob--I need one for Mason anyways).

Q. What does she transport for?
A. 1). first time mom laboring hard more than 24 hrs. (hmmmm..don't know what to think about THIS one. I guess she meant full blown labor?) 2.) Too much blood before baby born could be placental abruption. 3.) Fetal distress. She monitors heartrate every 1/2 hr. or so. 4.) High fever(could be infection).

At one point during the conversation, I volunteered that I am single sutured. She said she felt she had to research single sutures a little bit first, to put her mind at ease. I was a little disheartened, I almost felt like crying. She said it shouldn't be a problem, but it would give her peace of mind. I asked her what the likelihood of her dropping me because of the suture issue. She said it is probably ok, she just wants to do some research on it. She said she is VERY passionate about HBAC and VBAC (since she had 2 cesareans) but she also has to keep in mind me, my baby, and her career. Which I really do understand. But, still, it bothers me to an extent. I do feel confident she will come away from her research feeling better, because I know the research doesn't show much difference--if any. I am really relying on her to take me on, she is the only one in the state of Connecticut! She was shocked when I told her this.
I hate my old OB more and more. I told Joni I found out I was single sutured at my 6 week post partum appointment. I asked the witch if I was single or double sutured. She looked at me almost shocked, like,"you patients aren't supposed to know these terms and ask these questions". She had to look in her chart(figures, she barely remembered my name) and said,"Single". I asked why they did single layers. She replied,"To save time". Boy, did she deserve a bitch slap. Joni couldn't believe that. She said,"sounds like a malpractice to me!" And it is. Now, thanks to Dr. Kleban(a.k.a Dr. Cleaver), my future pregnancies are much riskier both to me and my child. I now have to PUSH so fucking hard to get the birth I want! And I shoudn't have to! This is crazy! It makes me beyond angry. I have so much hatred for this woman, it's unreal. If this HBAC is a reality, I think I may write her a nice letter about how wrong she was about "CPD". How she shouldn't just throw that diagnosis around like it's nothing. It affects real people with real lives. We are the ones that have to go on after the very unnecessary and traumatic cesarean to live our lives and have more children. We have to fight tooth and nail to get the birth we want. We have to live with our scarred bodies. We have to live with the feelings of failure and inadequecy. Meanwhile, this witch and many like her just slice and dice and are home in time for dinner

Why is it so hard to have a HBAC!?

I got my reply from the freestanding birth center:

Thank you for your email regarding your desire to have a VBAC...we are VERY supportive! Malpractice does not allow us to attend them here in the Birth Center....this is very unfortunate but my hands are tied regarding this matter.

We do, however, attend them across the street at Danbury Hospital. We don't use heplocks, continuous monitors, etc. We allow healthy babies and moms labor and deliver naturally....

You are a little far but we do have many, many families from 45-90 minutes away come to us because they want the sort of care and philosophy that we provide.

You may certainly come and visit us here and ask more specific questions. This is called a "meet and greet". It is free, thirty minutes and allows you and your family time to meet a midwife and ask specific, personal questions. We'd love to help you achieve your goal of a vaginal birth....we have a very high success rate.

Hope to see you soon, Cathy Parisi, CNM


*sigh* Next! No, I do not want to go to the hospital! Everyone is saying HBAC is too much of a liability for them. This really sucks.

I also left a voicemail with a group of midwives called "Birth and Beyond". I heard a lot of good things about them from pretty crunchy message boards, so I figured they were willing to go for a HBAC. Well, I get my much anticipated phone call this morning...she tells me they used to take on HBAC's, but it's "too much of a liability now", but I could have a VBAC at Hartford Hospital. That hospital is about 30-45 min. away--on a good day. I asked them about monitoring, they use telemetry monitoring. I told her I heard bad things from the ladies on the ICAN list. Things like the nurses, medwives and sOBs saying they were all for telemetry monitoring, and you will not be stuck in bed, then all of a sudden when you got to the hospital, they tell you the telemetry units don't work or they're being used by other laboring women(all lies), so you have to have EFM. She goes on to say the hospital has one in every room. I then asked,"What would happen if I refused to be monitored?" There was silence. I thought I lost the call for a moment! I then added,"Has that ever happened to you before?" She chuckled,"No!" She then goes on to tell me that I would need to work with her, that it would not be appropiate to be on board w/the telemetry, then get to the hospital and say "no thanks". I get was she was saying, but.......

Then she goes on to say they have a 85% VBAC rate. From January of this year, to September, they have had 5 VBAC attempts. Two women went on to have successful vaginal births, and 3 women had breech babies (hmmmmm...thats a lot of breech babies!) and they were unseccessful with turning them, so they went on to have the dreaded CBAC. I guess they didn't feel safe delivering breech babies! She then asked me an odd question. One that makes me suspect she's a medwife. She asks me,"How tall are you?" huh? "I am 5'3"", I say. "Oh," she says chuckling(she sure does like to chuckle)"There is a recent study out now, that suggests smaller women have a higher chance for a cesarean". Ummm..WHAT!!?? What study is this?! I was in shock. I don't even think I replied to her. Yes, maybe smaller women do, because their sOB's and medwives think they can't birth a baby, without even a trial of labor, and wheel them off to the OR. I am appalled at her. Maybe it came out wrong? I don't know, regardless, she set up a free consultation with me for October 4th. I don't think I will go, but I will bring this all up to Jason when he gets home, see what he thinks. Maybe I need to see her in person to really get a good feel for her.

Maybe I should keep my options open, the MW I originally found for a HBAC, Joni, has yet to call me back. I called her two days ago. I know she is a very busy woman, with her son and other clients, but still it is making me nervous. What if she doesn't feel safe taking me on anymore? I really hope that's not the case--she is a sweet woman, and she seems like she BELIEVES in my ability to birth my baby vaginally.

Wow. I am not even pregnant yet, and this is going to be a hard, life changing, long, exciting, stressful and beautiful journey.

Meet my family

*sigh* Our wonderful breastfeeding realationship....boy do I miss it sometimes. Mason would always look up at me and pet me as he ate. We BF for about 6 months. Sometimes I regret ending it so soon.......

Mason at 7 weeks. Very serious baby!

Mason at 4 months. Nice shades.

A recent photo of Mason at 9 months.

Me and my husband Jason. We have been happily married since August 14th, 2000.

So it Begins....

Well, Jason and I finally made the decision to start TTC #2. I am very excited. I am on day 12 of my cycle, so we should begin babydancing in a few days ;) I can hardly contain my excitement. I already ordered and received a truckload of pregnancy tests from saveontests.com, and I am starting to chart my cycles, which I have to say is amazing. I think every woman should be as aware of her body, it's very empowering.

But I must admit, I am also approaching this pregnancy with trepidation. I do not want another cesarean, but I am also afraid of complications (that result from having the cesarean) that may lead to a hospital transfer and another fucking cesarean. gag. I am already shopping around for midwives, I have found one so far, very close to me, and a very nice lady. She is a CPM.
I am determined to birth at home, though it may cost a bit. I heard with a little hassle, insurance may cover homebirth. I also saw a freestanding birth center online, and it's located about an hour from me. It looked beautiful, just like a house, and the birthing rooms are bedrooms. The midwives seem very intervention-free, and they are covered by insurance. I sent out an email to them, hopefully I will hear back from them soon.